Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake by Anna Quindlen – book review

 

          Anna Quindlen, the venerable baby boomer author and Pulitzer Prize winner, has written a memoir that strings together pearls of wisdom from an older – she’s now 60 – mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister and career writer. With all this experience she’s got a lot to say on myriad subjects and, as a 60+ woman myself who also had an involving career, I am interested. She’s such an excellent writer that I would probably be interested if she was detailing her lifetime relationship with laundry. She has been described as America’s laureate of real life.

          Most of what Ms. Quindlen speaks of in this book is through the filter of aging, how things are different as an older woman versus the gung ho youngster. She starts off saying, “You don’t know what you don’t know when you’re young.” I love how she speaks warmly and humorously about getting older, for instance, depicting the cuteness some of our youthful characteristics were and how they often became irritating in old age – a flirtatious nature evolving into unattractive lecherous behavior. At the same time, she reminds us that the older we get, the better we get at being ourselves. Gone are the concerns about being judged, disliked, or not enough.
          Among other topics, she waxes so eloquently:

          - downsizing:   As we age the value of possessions lessens and it’s easy to get
                    rid of clutter. “Stuff is not salvation.”

          - marriage: “A safety net of small white lies can be the bedrock of a successful
                    marriage,” and “The long sound journey of a long marriage outweighs
                    romantic love.”

          - girlfriends: In youth, other women can be viewed as a threat or competitor.
                    Over time, girlfriends are the placeholders of support and less criticism
                    and more cheerleading.

          - work: Anna admits her generation felt that they had ‘invented’ the whole work
                    and family dual opportunity for women, forgetting all about the previous
                    generation’s contribution. Later she regretted never asking her mother
                    about the drafting table that sat stored in their basement for her entire life
                    at home (her mother was the only female engineer in a prestigious firm in
                    the 1930’s.).

          - the aging process: When we’re babies and youngsters we have tantrums about
                    doing what we want to do when we want to do it and, as we age, we
                    gradually go back to that, minus the tantrums hopefully. We have become
                    the older generation we criticized so vehemently.

          The book contains an insurmountable amount of relatable moments for anyone 55 and older, even if you did have kids or a high-powered career or a marriage. This book also contains “gobsmacked,” which is a literary first for me. Look for this word to appear in a future blog post.

          Finally, in a final chapter, Anna Quindlen writes about mortality, but you’ll have to read the book – I don’t want to give away the ending.

Love is All You Need – movie review

          “Love is All You Need” is a film about an Englishman played by Pierce Brosnan living in Denmark where he runs a large produce business. He is a widower, a loner, and an emotionally absent single father to Patrick who brings everyone together in Italy for his wedding to Astrid. Things get complicated when, two days before the wedding, Astrid’s mother, Ida (Danish actress Trine Dyrholm), splits from Astrid’s father due to his affair with a much younger woman.

          This movie is a wild combination of “Under the Tuscan Sun” meets “It’s Complicated” meets “Threesome.” It’s an entertaining romp where much is predictable but that’s okay with me as long as it turns out well for all (or most) of the parties involved. Brosnan, the bride’s father, for instance, comes off so crass and closed off in the beginning of the movie you just KNOW he’s going to loosen up and be a hero in the end.

          While the title and premise of the movie are certainly not unique or new, a lemony fresh tartness is detected throughout because of the unknown (to me anyway) actors who bring a juiciness to their roles. In addition, after the sun would set over the Cinque Terre-like Italian backdrop of seaside hilly homes, I could practically feel the dewy new mornings in the picturesque garden where everyone gathers.

           Both English and Danish are spoke in this film, with easy-to-follow subtitles. One reviewer says of the movie’s Danish filmmaker, “Susanne Bier has shaken a cocktail of love, loss, absurdity, humor, and delicately drawn characters that will leave only the hardest heart untouched.” I couldn’t have said it better myself!

Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living – book review

Three out of possible five bookmarks

          This book couldn’t have come to me at a better time. I’d just been experiencing problems with my computer and had been working with barely understandable techs in foreign countries for the last month. If this situation doesn’t cry for the need of patience, I don’t know what does.

          You should know I’m not a patient person to begin with. In fact, this book was recommended by someone I’m working with who also happens to be a friend. At first, I thought his recommendation might have been a joke, but looking back now I can see the real value that I’m sure he knew would be of benefit to me.

          The author, Allan Lokos, writes from a very calm and spiritual place, which is outstanding considering the title of the book. He steps the reader through the benefits and, yes, necessity of coming from a patient point of view of you want a happy life. He says, “Inner peace can be seen as the ultimate benefit of practicing patience.” He also shares that the Dalai Lama has expressed we are here to be happy and that impatience greatly detracts from that happiness.

          The first part of the book deals with learning patience for yourself, which I have yet to master. In the second part of the book, Lokos discusses patience in relationships, and this, as we all know, is an excellent place to experience lack of patience, especially with spouses and friends. Next, the author addresses children, again where it’s obvious that a great deal of patience is not only required for yourself but in serving as a role model to blossoming children. Finally, the discussion moves to the workplace – dealing with co-workers, and bosses and subordinates – and technology. Who hasn’t come unhinged dealing with technology?

          Patience comes from seeing and accepting things as they are. Knowing that things are always changing also aides in accepting that what is before us won’t last forever. One of the best tools I received from this book was creating a pause between my experience of a feeling and my response to that feeling. Having said that, I must admit as soon as I finished the book and completed this short review, I experienced the most absurd exhibition of my own lack of patience at my gym. I was petulant, rude and certainly didn’t pause between my feelings and my responses to those feelings when someone was using equipment I wanted. It took me hours to calm down enough to forgive myself and laugh a little about not being perfect right off the bat. This incident certainly pointed out my need of focus and the practice of mindfulness. At least I have more tools to work with in increasing my patience in this world. I just have to take them out and try them on a little more.